My Fake Valentine Read online

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  My Fake Valentine

  Kellie McAllen

  Copyright © 2018 Kellie McAllen

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages embodied in critical articles or in a review.

  Trademarked names appear throughout this book. Rather than use a trademark symbol with every occurrence of a trademarked name, names are used in an editorial fashion, with no intention of infringement of the respective owner’s trademark.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  * * *

  COVER DESIGN BY

  www.yocladesigns.com

  Contents

  FREE BOOK OFFER

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  The story continues in…

  FREE BOOK OFFER

  Also by Kellie McAllen

  A Note from the Author

  About the Author

  Chapter One

  Mia

  “The limo will be here in 30 minutes!” Dad announces from downstairs, and my stomach turns into a gelatinous pile of goo. Somebody remind me why I decided to do this?

  I squeak and check my appearance in the mirror like I’m hoping maybe a fairy godmother came while I wasn’t paying attention and Poof! turned me into a princess. There is a fairy godmother, of sorts, but she’s been tied up with my mother and sister all afternoon while I’ve been practicing my lines, patiently (or maybe not so) waiting for my turn.

  Of course, I had to wait till she was done with them. It’s not like I’m going to the Golden Globes. But still. I can’t go onstage looking like this, and I’m totally clueless when it comes to that kind of thing.

  Did Marcia forget me?

  I pad down the hall and poke my head in my mother’s room, gagging on the scent of hairspray and Chanel N°5. The bed is strewn with rejected gowns, and empty hangers dangle from the wardrobe rack that Alexander brought over.

  Mom’s size six figure is wrapped in Spanx because she thinks she’s getting fat and poured into a long, pewter sheath that flows over her molded curves like liquid metal. Her platinum hair is twisted into a knot at the base of her neck. Not like the frizzy, messy bun I’m sporting, but you know, nice.

  The giant, teardrop diamonds she has dangling from her ears look too big to be real, but they probably are. Loners from Tiffany’s, my guess. Alexander, her stylist, is clasping the matching necklace around her neck.

  “Mom, where’s Marcia?”

  She frowns at me when I reach to stroke the satiny, teal fabric of one of the rejects. “Don’t touch those, please. Alexander will take back the ones we didn’t like.”

  Like me touching them is gonna do more harm than her tossing them around her bedroom. Whatever. I flick my eyes up in the barest hint of an eye roll. Not enough to get in trouble, just, you know, because.

  “So, Marcia? I need her to do my hair and makeup.” I wave a hand over the disaster that is my current look. It looks even worse reflected in the sparkly lights of the giant vanity.

  “She’s with Bianca, dear. I’m not sure she’ll have time. We need to leave in 30 minutes.” She frowns and turns her wrist to look at an invisible watch.

  “Mom! I have the play tonight! She’s supposed to help me get ready!” I throw my hands up in the air and huff.

  I’d drive myself — I don’t have to be at the theatre quite this early, but I still have another six days, seventeen hours, and thirty-four minutes till I can get my license, give or take a minute or two. Not that I’m counting or anything.

  “Well, I’m sorry, dear! Go see how she’s coming along.” She waves me away with a white-gloved hand like the well-aged star she is.

  My mother is Elizabeth Bartlett Black. Yeah, the very one. If you don’t know who that is, then you obviously missed out on the scandalous, daytime drama of Our Secret Lives back in the 90’s. If you didn’t obsess about who was the father of Diana Duke’s baby, my mom’s character on the show, then you probably didn’t insist on using MegaDrama MegaHold Mousse to get that poufy soap opera hair she sported back then, either.

  But I bet you remember the commercials, at least. The one with all the big-haired actresses practically making out with their bottles of MegaDrama products? “MegaDrama MegaHold for Mega Star hair.” My mother’s voice still sounds like that when she talks, all breathy and dramatic.

  Now she stars mostly in Lifetime movies with an occasional bit part as somebody’s mom in a bigger film. Her focus is on her family now, she claims, which means she knows she’s past her prime, and her attention has diverted to making her children into superstars. Well, some of them, anyway. She’s given up on me.

  But my brother plays basketball for the Lakers, and my sister Bianca is poised to take over the family legacy with a recently-launched modeling campaign for Dolce and Gabbana and an upcoming role in the latest Hemsworth flick.

  The door to Bianca’s room is closed, and I knock out our secret pattern before barging in. The secret is there is no pattern, just a bunch of random knocks all over the door. Stupid, I know, but we thought it was brilliant ten years ago when I was six and she was five.

  Bianca clearly finds it embarrassing now, if her facial expression is any indication. She looks just like the 90’s version of my mom, only without the big hair, and she’s dressed to kill in a slinky, red, mermaid dress with a neckline so low, if she bends over I can see her belly button. I hope she washed the lint out. Hehe. I can’t believe my mom is letting her wear that, but knowing her, she probably picked it out.

  My dad might complain, but Mom will just roll her eyes and tell him he’s being chauvinistic then launch into a spiel about outdated gender roles and how women have the right to display their half-naked body in the name of feminism.

  Not that Dad prefers my significantly more modest wardrobe of jeans and tee shirts. He cringes at those almost as much.

  It might be fun to try on some of the dresses that Alexander brings for my mom and sister to choose from, but they never offer me the chance, mainly because I don’t go any place that I could wear them. The Golden Globes have neglected to send me an invitation for the last 17 years, and I’m starting to think it’s intentional. But I do have a starring role as harem girl #3 in tonight’s production of Aladdin, so whatever.

  But even harem girls need hair and makeup, so I turn my attention to Marcia and
ask, “You almost finished?”

  She lays a hand to her mouth and makes a pouty face. “Oh, darling, I’m so sorry, but your sister’s hair just won’t cooperate tonight. I’m not going to have time to work on yours.”

  Then she shrugs like it’s no big deal. Like it doesn’t matter if I go onstage with frizzy hair and a giant port-wine birthmark covering half my face. Like just because I’m not going to the Golden Globes what I’m doing isn’t important.

  I narrow my eyes and pucker my lips in the harshest display of anger I dare make, turn and stalk out of the room, yanking the door almost hard enough to slam it. I let go before it actually hits the jamb, though. I know better than to make a scene, or I’ll get a lecture about keeping up appearances. I stomp back to my room, which isn’t a big deal since I’m only wearing socks, and the oriental runner in the hallway is as thick as a mattress.

  Sitting down at my own antique white and gold dressing table, I grab my tube of concealer and start dabbing copious amounts of it all over the dark purple splash that covers most of my left cheek.

  Without the birthmark, I can pass for average. Nothing like my parents and siblings who all rival People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful, but normal enough that children don’t run away screaming. With the stain, I’m a spectacle, and not in a good way. Obviously, I don’t go out in public without covering it. I can handle that.

  But the harem girls are supposed to be beautiful and exotic, and I definitely do not have the makeup skills to pull that off on my own. But when Marcia works her magic, I almost look pretty. She’s helped me a few times before when some of my family’s social events required my attendance, but most of the time I just avoid the limelight and settle for passably average.

  Maybe if I watched enough YouTube videos I could figure out how to do a smoky eye with winged liner and pouty, red lips that wouldn’t smear all over during costume changes, but it’s way too late for that now. I settle for basic foundation, mascara, and lipstick then switch my attention to my hair, which is another exercise in futility.

  My brother and sister both got my mom’s thick, wavy, blonde locks, while I got wispy, brown hair from my father. He buzzes his off and sports a manly-looking crew cut, but I prefer a limp ponytail.

  Mom bought me clip-in hair extensions to add volume, and I keep my hair long so they’ll blend in better, but most of the time I don’t even bother to wear them. Harem girls need luscious hair, though, so I quickly separate my hair into sections and snap the extensions in. I don’t really have time to style it, but I throw in a few big curls and decide it looks decent.

  “Time to go, ladies. The limo is here,” Dad calls.

  Grabbing my phone and my satchel, I toss the bag across my chest and start downstairs. On second thought, I rush back to my room and grab a strapless, pushup bra out of the back of my dresser. I don’t normally care that I can barely hold a pencil under my boobs, but I figure a harem girl ought to have a little cleavage, at least. I shove the bra into my bag and toss in my makeup for good measure then hustle back down to the foyer.

  “You look nice, Dad.” I kiss him on the cheek and straighten his bowtie.

  “Thanks, sweetheart. I wish I could see your play tonight, but…”

  He shrugs like it’s totally out of his control, but the truth is, he doesn’t have to go to the Globes tonight. He directed a few movies this year, but he’s not up for an award. He could skip the show and go to my play instead, but I’m sure the idea is just too inconceivable to even cross his mind.

  It doesn’t matter. I’m just a harem girl. It’s not like I’m Jasmine or anything. But still, they should be happy I’m finally following in their footsteps.

  My mother glides down the stairs like a queen, and my sister follows behind her like a princess. I swear she came out of the womb like a perfect, little clone of my mother, which no doubt gave my mother a sense of relief since I was such a complete disappointment.

  I climb into the limo awkwardly, not quite sure where to put my arms and legs while the rest of my family slides in like they’ve done it a hundred times, which makes sense, since they probably have.

  Mom and Bianca immediately start gossiping about who they expect to see tonight and what they’ll be wearing, and Dad closes his eyes to tune them out, so I pull out my phone and text Kerri, my BFF, to tell her that I’m about to make a grand entrance. She’ll get a kick out of that.

  When a giant glob of bird poop lands on the windshield, I laugh, knowing exactly what she’ll have to say about it.

  Chapter Two

  Mia

  “Oooh, good luck!” Kerri points at the bird poop and give a little clap like a giddy two-year-old. “You’re gonna need it.” Her tone immediately switches to melodramatic.

  If you need good luck, Kerri knows a hundred different ways to inspire it. Of course, she also knows an equally-long list of things that are bad luck, and she’s just as likely to point those out when you least want to hear them.

  I glance around to make sure nobody is watching before fumbling out of the limousine. Nobody at my school really knows who my family is, and I’d like to keep it that way.

  Kerri insists it would improve my reputation if they did, but I seriously doubt that. I think, if anything, it would make it worse. Right now, I’m skating by as an inconsequential nobody, a neutral on the popularity scale, but if everyone knew who my parents were, they’d wonder why I got the short straw and turned out to be so… unremarkable. If I’m going to be mediocre, I’d rather have people accept me for who I am than be disappointed that I’m less than they expected.

  “Why am I gonna need good luck? I mean, besides the obvious.”

  Kerri sticks her arm through mine and fake-whispers, bumping her headful of curly, orange hair against mine. “Rumor has it, Vice Principal Dillard cracked down and put, like, ten people on academic probation for bad grades. Including Aria Bahl.”

  “Jasmine?” I shriek.

  Kerri nods dramatically.

  “So, does that mean she can’t perform tonight?”

  “Nope.” She pops her lips on the P. “And Mr. Barnham is going ballistic because, get this--” Dramatic pause. “Her understudy is sick.”

  My mouth falls open. “Who’s gonna play Jasmine?”

  We’re backstage now, and I’m looking around at all the people in the play, hustling around, but what’s the point? Without Jasmine, there is no Aladdin. I guess it doesn’t matter that harem girl #3 looks less than spectacular.

  I pout, bummed that my first foray into the world of acting is over before it even got started but also kind of relieved. Figures. If anybody had the chance to be a star it was me, with a movie producer/former actor for a dad and an actress for a mom. But when I popped out of the womb with a huge splotch on my face my chances pretty much dwindled to nothing, and they went downhill from there.

  At first, my parents tried to get me roles. How could they not, right? That’s what people in the biz did. Half of the stars in Hollywood are there because they knew somebody. And movie makeup has been around a lot longer than I have; my birthmark was easy enough to hide. But my lack of adorableness was less forgivable. That, and my tendency to stutter. I’m over that now, well, except for when I get really nervous. But a not-that-cute kid with a giant birthmark and a speech impediment? Not exactly prime star material, regardless of who my parents are.

  So what inspired me to audition for a role in Aladdin? Maybe it was fate, or destiny, or maybe it was the fact that everybody who auditioned was guaranteed a spot as an extra, if nothing else. Heck, I don’t know, I just saw the flyer on the wall and something told me I ought to give it a shot, see how it felt to be on stage for once. I mean, there’s a reason everybody wants to be a movie star, right? Maybe it’s just the money, but then, why do actors keep acting after they’d already earned a boatload?

  I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to pretend I was living in the same world as the rest of my family for a minute, but for whatever reason, I’d shown up th
at Thursday afternoon and read a few lines, and the next thing I knew, my name was on a cast list next to harem girl #3. Pretty impressive for a first try, I thought.

  But now, my chance for stardom is over, because, without Jasmine, the show definitely cannot go on. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted, anyway. As soon as I told Kerri I had a part, she signed up for tech crew so we could hang out together during practice. Harem girl #3 didn’t get a lot of stage time, so I spent most of the rehearsals sitting around, goofing off with Kerri.

  Turns out I’m pretty good at remembering lines and marks and stuff, though, so every time somebody was absent and Mr. Barnham needed a fill-in, I was the only person who knew the part well enough to pinch hit.

  I guess it shouldn’t surprise me when Mr. Barnham comes rushing up to me as soon as he sees me, a lock of his slicked-back hair rebelling against the gel and flopping in his agonized face. He looks weird in a tie and dress clothes, especially since his shirt is already half out of his pants, and his tie looks like he’s been yanking on it. Usually he wears skinny jeans and knit pullovers with a vest or a scarf or some other artsy, hipster accessory.

  “Mia, Mia! You’re the only other person who knows all the lines. You have to be Jasmine or the show is ruined!”

  Sounds like a thespian’s fantasy, right? Yeah, not so much. I’m suddenly petrified, and going onstage, even as harem girl #3 sounds like the most terrifying idea ever. Why did I want to do this? Why did I want to go on stage where everybody can stare at me and wonder who this loser is pretending to be an actress and critique my performance with whispered comments like, “She needs to project her voice more,” or, “She’s not making good eye contact with the audience, or, “Her hips sure fill out those harem pants.”